雅思作文的7分句式分享
雅思作文题目
An increasing number of people are changing careers during their working life. what are the reasons for this? Does it have a positive or negative development for society?
学生在主体某段落的句写道:
If one employee quits his current job and opts for another one, the company needs to waste substantial time to recruit another employee and spend money on training staff.
* the company是哪个company啊?看完这个句子,读者知道看来是离职雇员离开的公司,但是这个定冠词还是有些突然了。
* waste substantial time,怎么就是waste了呢,用词的评价性可不能随便。
* another employee一定有更好的词。
* 前面是recruit another employee,后面是training staff。不对等不匹配呀。
* 最重点的来了:if引导的状语从句措辞和句子结构复杂了。
* spend time to do something不是用法习惯。
上海新航道雅思写作培训班老师修改意见:
When an employee leaves a company, the company may need to spend quite a lot of time recruiting a replacement and money on training the replacement.
* 解决了上面评价时提到的所有问题。
小总结:
* 用词的评价性可不能随便。
* 措辞的“减法”(简洁/简化)是提升的关键。
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