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ACT写作:官方范文分析&1-2分范文解析

2017年05月09日 11:25来源:互联网作者:上海管理员

摘要:ACT写作:官方范文分析&1-2分范文解析

  ACT写作:官方范文分析&1-2分范文解析http://sh.xhd.cn/actxz/

  官方范文分析:

  Intelligent Machines

  Many of the goods and services we depend on daily are now supplied by intelligent, automated machines rather than human beings. Robots build cars and other goods on assembly lines, where once there were human workers. Many of our phone conversations are now conducted not with people but with sophisticated technologies. We can now buy goods at a variety of stores without the help of a human cashier. Automation is generally seen as a sign of progress, but what is lost when we replace humans with machines? Given the accelerating variety and prevalence of intelligent machines, it is worth examining the implications and meaning of their presence in our lives.

  Read and carefully consider these perspectives. Each suggests a particular way of thinking about the increasing presence of intelligent machines.

  Perspective One

  What we lose with the replacement of people by machines is some part of our own humanity.

  Even our mundane daily encounters no longer require from us basic courtesy, respect, and tolerance for other people.

  Perspective Two

  Machines are good at low-skill, repetitive jobs, and at high-speed, extremely precise jobs.

  In both cases they work better than humans. This efficiency leads to a more prosperous and

  progressive world for everyone.

  Perspective Three

  Intelligent machines challenge our long-standing ideas about what humans are or can be. This is good because it pushes both humans and machines toward new, unimagined possibilities.

  Essay Task

  Write a unified, coherent essay in which you evaluate multiple perspectives on the increasing presence of intelligent machines. In your essay, be sure to:

  • analyze and evaluate the perspectives given

  • state and develop your own perspective on the issue

  • explain the relationship between your perspective and those given

  Your perspective may be in full agreement with any of the others, in partial agreement, or wholly different. Whatever the case, support your ideas with logical reasoning and detailed, persuasive examples.

  构思

  试卷上的笔记将不计分。

  考生可以利用空白部分来列提纲,需要考虑以下几个方面:

  试题中给出的三个观点的优缺点是什么。

  l 它们所要表达的是什么,同时它们各自忽略了什么。

  l 它们为何能说服别人,或者为何不能说服别人。

  关于考生自己的知识,经验和价值

  l 对于这个话题,考生自己的观点是什么。这些观点的优缺点各是什么。

  l 考生将如何在自己的文章中支持自己的观点。

  1分范文

  观点和分析:1分

  文章观点展开与论证支持:1分

  文章组织:1分

  语言应用和语法:1分

  Begin WRITING TEST Here.

  Well Machines are good but they take people jobs like if they don’t know how to use it they get fired and they’ll find someone else and it’s more easyer with machines but sometimes they don’t need people because of this machines do there own job and there be many people that lack on there job but the intelligent machines sometimes may not work or they’ll brake easy and it’s waste of money on this machines and there really expensive to buy but they help alot at the same time it help alot but at the same time this intelligent machines work and some don’t work but many store buy them and end up broken or not working but many stores gets them and end up wasting money on this intelligent machines’ but how does it help us and the comunity because some people get fired because they do not need him because of this machines many people are losing job’s because of this machines.

  得分解析:

  观点和分析:1分

  文章缺少主旨,作者的写作意图难以体现。作者表达了一些观点,但是并没有展开论证。举个例子,由于新科技的应用,人们开始失业这个观点是很好的,但是作者并没有深入探究和分析。

  文章观点展开与论证支持:1分

  作者没有展开观点,且文章中有大量的重复观点和缺乏论据的论点。这篇文章的很多问题都可以归纳为没有合理地展开。如果作者没有解释阐明观点,那么观点和问题或者论点之间的关系就会很模糊。

  文章组织:1分

  这篇文章并没有一个明确的中心思想,并且两个观点之间也没有很好的逻辑衔接。文章以“由于科技,人们可能会失业”这样的观点来开头和结尾,但观点不连贯,整体没有清晰的结构。读者无法从过渡句来理解观点之间的关系,且连接词反而把不相关的信息联系起来了。

  语言应用和语法:1分

  本篇文章没有运用恰当的语言来阐述观点。大量的用法错误,标点错误等影响了理解。用词重复单一,表达不到位。语言使用的缺乏使得文章更难以理解了。

  2分范文

  观点和分析:2分

  文章观点展开与论证支持:2分

  文章组织:2分

  语言应用和语法:2分

  Begin WRITING TEST Here.

  Should machines be used to do good and services instead humans? I believe they should not for many reasons. Machines can not be smart unless a human is controling it. So it would not matter if its an intelligent machine or not a human is still controlling it to do everything.

  When using a machine it could easily malfunction and it could be hard to fix the problem or it will just take a while to fix it. If a human is taking over instead of the machine there may be fewer problems. Machines have so many problems that it would not be worth having.

  Also, the more machines you have the less jobs there are for people because everyone thinks it would be better to have machines instead of people. When less people are out of work that means less money for those people and sometimes they will lose their homes or cars because they can not afford anything.

  Sometimes working with machines can be very stressful because they may not work at times or they could be running extremely slow and won’t get anything done. Machines are not smart at all, only when people are controlling them they are but not all the time. It may seem smart but its really not.

  In conclusion, I think machines should not be used to take over a human job because machines can not think only humans can think and make right or wrong decisions. Machines do not have brains, their not wired to think so why have them do stuff that we can do ourselves.

  得分解析

  观点和分析:2分

  观点切入点太窄,因此作者无法就3个观点展开分析。当作者无法提炼自己的观点时,就无法明确自己的观点和既定观点间的联系。作者只是简单地阐述了为什么机器不能代替人工的3个理由,而没有考虑成熟科技背后的潜在影响。并且,这3个理由之间关系疏松,和文章给出的观点之间的联系也不够紧密。总之,此篇文章没有清晰地表达观点和目的。

  文章观点展开与论证支持:2分

  文章的展开方式没有清晰地表明论点的意思。在主体第一段中,作者通过对比表明了机器时常会坏掉,但人不会。但是,此段写作只是单纯地重复,并没有深入展开观点。同样地,第二段提出了合理的观点,却没有论据。第三段仅仅重复了作者的第一个理由。因此,文章的观点没有得到展开,论证也没有得到支持。

  文章组织:2分

  文章的分段形式体现了一定的文章结构,但段落之间缺乏连接性。第一段提出了一个重要的观点,(machines are not intelligent; intelligent humans control them),但是在后文中却忽略了此观点,直到后来作者在解释为什么机器引发压力时才又重新阐述。文章的最后一段阐述了两个关系不明的观点。虽然作者使用了一些过渡词,但这些过渡词无法表明观点之间的联系。

  语言应用和语法:2分

  用词不当,句子结构不明会影响理解,比如,(When less people are out of work that means less money for those people; Machines can not be smart unless a human is controlling it. So it would not matter if its an intelligent machine). 此外,一些用法的错误也会让读者分心。此篇文章中,语言不连贯,观点表达不流畅。

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